a deadline got extended dont have the pressure of the whole world on my shoulders any more, atlas didnt shrugg some one just helped him out and gave him a crane. and now i feel crummy, it could be the sudden lack of purpose...
i am a sinal wave have phases of happy and sad sometimes within the same minute........ i may be getting bi-polar or maybe its just life.
life coming ahead is going to be crummy, bleak without any thing to look forward to till the day.
but i dont want to build it up and then get dissapointed because it didnt measure up. i do that alot. i need a break but dont have the time for it. and doing what will give me that one hour of letting go cum blanking out cum mindless senseless activity or inactivity. maybe dancing will help or talking to someone who'll get the feeling. or a movie or senseless behaviour.
this is why i sometimes feel i need an addiction. but sadly nothing appeals. maybe i'll turn into a vandal but the aftermath guilt would be too much
high for second is not worth that amount of remorse.
i'll tell u why i write here, its an online journal i write very personally but i do it coz in my head uploading is like putting a question out there in the cosmos. it helps me . the knowing that its been sent as a prayer ............ i dont wait for an answer the release is enough.
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