epiphany

i realized what ive been wanting to do............... what i really want to do right now...............

i want to fight........... using my hands feet , nails every muscle in my body i want to push some one who wont get easily pushed. i want to "tussle" thats the word that keeps popping in my head.


i want to fight till i am spent completely exhausted and then i want to lie down and sleep......... contended sleep.

i want to feel physical exhaustion the feeling when ure throat is parched and the back of ure eyelids burn and muscles u didnt know existed hurt. i want to feel a sense of accomplishment........ of the tiredness that comes from physical labour.

the satisfaction of then finding a soft bed to rest the limbs in. i want to remember that feeling. i want a punching bag.

since we are talking about what i want........ i want to be able to tire my mind out duelling with someone through thoughts and words and not a single physical action not even gesturing of hands.
i want to be able to belong feel at home somewhere with people as pseudo as me.