Heartbreak Warfare

Everything takes time to heal, a sprain a few days, a muscle pull a week, a broken bone, few weeks, but the damned broken heart takes too long. How long will I hide behind the farce of a phobia when I always fall head first into love and then figure out the repercussions. The good part of being in love with an idea of a person is that you get those snatches happiness, that you don’t rationalise, that you don’t submit to reason, those crazy moments of pure bliss. When you know you had a good time. The sorry kind of love I preach is one in which I have no expectations from the other person to meet my expectations yet I’ll have some and eagerly wait for them to be met. Every nice gesture becomes memorable, do I get lead on.... yes alot but not with my eyes closed, oh no, I get played very well knowing I am getting played and thinking that I am too smart to get burned and then I crash and burn and ache all over.

This heartache that clouds my mind, holds firm grip on my emotions that keeps me perpetually on sad standby, I want it gone. Time is the healer of all wounds but for the first time I want to rebound from a no relationship, get into a relationship because I want to get over this guy. But who am I kidding, I am no stud, I’ll never be able to that, chances are I’ll fall in love with the bugger of a rebound and be writing woefully about him next.

God, wherever you are.... zandu balm for the heart is required.

i've realised i have a tendency, to be stand offish, to be verbose and wish i was more guarded, to be guarded and wish i had said more, to be self sacrificial, to always long for the impossible.. not in the ambitious sort of way, but in the setting yourself up for heart ache sort of way.

i've also realised i've known of these tendencies for long and i wear them as a proud badge on my collar.

but its these tendencies that give me the routine wallow in sorrow time which i hate-need occasionally.

a public declaration of the tendency/-ies is not helping. i continue stubbornly along the vicious cycle of emotional masochism.

bleh!

flowing

time flows, its been a year, however all the places i still frequent inevitably lead me to draw parallels and so much has always changed. its moments like this that make you realise that life moves on and you however unperceptibly change alongwith it.