i've realised i have a tendency, to be stand offish, to be verbose and wish i was more guarded, to be guarded and wish i had said more, to be self sacrificial, to always long for the impossible.. not in the ambitious sort of way, but in the setting yourself up for heart ache sort of way.

i've also realised i've known of these tendencies for long and i wear them as a proud badge on my collar.

but its these tendencies that give me the routine wallow in sorrow time which i hate-need occasionally.

a public declaration of the tendency/-ies is not helping. i continue stubbornly along the vicious cycle of emotional masochism.

bleh!